Signature

One of the underlying goals when committing a crime is to keep from getting caught. It’s a basic tenet of the trade. This can be accomplished a number of ways.

Rule #1. Don’t let anyone see you commit the crime.
Rule #2. If people are going to see you, don’t let them recognize you.
Rule #3. If people are going to see you and recognize you, have a good hiding place.
Rule #4. If people are going to see you and recognize, and you aren’t going to hide, be a badass.

If you’re going to try to stick with rules #1 and #2, there’s an addendum; don’t leave behind evidence that can tie you to the crime. Don’t leave fingerprints on the doorknob. Don’t leave your license plate embedded in the tree. Don’t leave your ID with the bank teller. And whatever you do, don’t leave a signature. Just ask the Wet Bandits how that turned out for them. Is there a way to violate all of the rules, and the addendum, in one fell swoop? Yep.

A. Create a signature before you even commit the crime. Literally a signature. In this case your nickname, that everyone knows. Make sure it’s unique so it stands out.
B. Walk around town spraypainting that signature on every flat surface you can find; fences, walls, junction boxes, street signs, lamps, doors, and US post office mailboxes.
C. Make sure to continue to do this during daylight hours, on busy streets, when people are driving to work.
D. Try to run into a closed mall when the police find you.
E. Give up and fall on the ground when you know you’re caught.

At least the Wet Bandits could blame Kevin.

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