I have allergies.  If it grows, I’m allergic to it.  I’ve sneezed in eight different states, 10 differnt countries, countless cities, hundreds of sleeves, and thousands of tissues.  Sneezes have appeared out of nowhere and disappeared as fast, lingered for minutes at a time, come in threes, exited with the force of a 300 win mag, and hinted at arrival only to hide when I acknowledge their exiztence.  I’ve unintentionally created new patterns on dress shirts, misted unsuspecting neighbors, blown holes in Kleenex, knocked over lamps, and scared my children.

In all of my vast experience violently spraying unwanted particles out of my nostrils there’s one thing I’ve never done.  I’ve never accidnetally taken a wrong turn and driven against the flow of freeway traffic until I crashed head-on into someone minding their own business.  I’m sure it had nothing to do with the alcohol.


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