That was embarrassing…for you. Take your age, multiply by two, add two, and you get me. Take my weight, add more than 30 lbs of cumbersome gear, and what do you get? Still me, keeping up with you.

Math is fun. Let’s do some more. Let’s try a word problem.

Q: You’re running at a speed of “I just committed a felony,” and you reach a six foot chain link fence. You scale the fence in just under “My dad’s gonna kill me” time and sprint toward the tall grass that’s concealing X. You quickly determine that X = a five foot deep, toad loving pond, but not until you’re up to your waist in stagnant filth. Note the amount of time it takes you to get chest deep, subtract the amount of time I saved by leaping from the bank instead of wading in, wonder if I yelled “cannonball” to distract you, or just out of pure enjoyment, and spend three seconds looking for your shoe. What do you get?

A: A very cold hour sitting handcuffed on metal bleachers while I process the crime scene.

That’s not what you got? Let me see your work. Oh, I see what you did. You forgot to carry the one, and factor in my rigorous workout schedule. Try again.

2 Responses to Math

  1. Geoff says:

    This is one of your best ones yet. It might help that you already told me about the incident.

  2. Beth says:

    Bravo, Officer!

    SO, was it a distraction, or pure enjoyment? I’m guessing the latter, lol. Love it. I’m kinda twisted like that, too.

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