Your license is suspended, but it doesn’t stop there.  Not only did you drive, but you drove deep into a 20,000 acre state forrest with over 50 miles of off-road lovin’.  I’m sure your girlfriend and three children, including the one year old, had a blast.  I’m sure they had a blast until you got stuck, at night, after everyone with any sense was already home drinking hot chocolate by a fire.

Do you know why they were able to get home?  They were driving off-road vehicles.  Just because you can rotate a dial on the dashboard that turns on a 4X4 light that doesn’t mean you’re driving an off-road vehicle.  Your car isn’t qualified to drive through my front yard, much less that mud that looked like so much fun SIX HOURS AGO.

Oh, you noticed I was already pretty dirty when I found you.  Yeah.  Have you ever changed a flat tire on an F-350 4X4 in the middle of an OHV road at 3:00 am while it was raining?  I have.  Considering the tires on your “off-road” vehicle aren’t rated for anything more challenging than a steep Safeway parking lot, I’m going to say you haven’t.

I’m glad to see you bought a state park permit for you car though.  You know what else you should think about paying for?  Insurance.  It’s kind of important.  Important like, Oh, I don’t know, having a cellphone that’s capable of receiving calls and not just dialing 911.  I could have called you and asked you to be more specific about your location than, “About 20 feet past a couple of white signs on a post.”

By the way, one of those white signs was the name of the road you were on, and the number identified the specific segment of that road.  That might be helpful next time.  I’m going home now, and I’m gonna have some hot chocolate.

One Response to Mudding

  1. Beth M says:

    Good grief… how in the hell do you keep yourself from pummeling these idiots?

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