Let’s play a little game I like to call, “How I know you’re an idiot.”  I’ll give you an example, then you see if you can give me a better one.

I caught you faster than a drunken sailor catches the clap.  Now it’s your turn.  Nothing?  Ok, I’ll give you another one.  You stole crappy beer.  If the plan was to not pay for the alcoholic beverage, why not take the expensive stuff?  Now you try.  Still nothing?  Ok, how about this.  You stole the beer from a convenience store that was within walking distance, or staggering distance in your case, from an apartment I was already headed to so I could investigate an underage drinking party.  Not only that, but the store you stole it from has better surveillance than the White House.  Do you even want to play this game?  Fine, I was winning anyway.

Lying about who you were was working for a little while, considering you didn’t have any form of identification.  Unfortunately for you, the girls at the party weren’t impressed with your beer of choice either.  They were more than happy to show me your Facebook page.  Now I know your name and date of birth.  I also know where you live, that your favorite band is the Jonas Brothers, and you cried when you saw Toy Story 3.  You’ve been an adult, legally, less than a month.  You have the same zits on your face in the discharge picture the juvenile department sent me.  By the way, they aren’t upset that you’re my problem now.

I realize I have a huge advantage when it comes to this game; that’s why I like it.  Welcome to adulthood.  We play by different rules.


3 Responses to Game

  1. S84 says:

    I love your blog. You are hilarious and your insights could change many misguided and uninformed opinions of cops. I’m not a cop, but this stuff cracks me up. You should to try to publish a book. Thanks for sharing your day-to-day experiences with a-holes.

  2. Hey man, I found your blog by way of Lorna Boyle up on FB. This is AWESOME stuff; it was a dose of laughs when I seriously needed it. Mental judo for the win.

    • inkedcop says:

      Welcome Steven, I post the same blog on FB under Cop Thoughts if you would rather read it there. Thanks for reading, and thank Lorna for spreading the word. Let her know a phone call to the 2g1b podcast is long overdue.

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