First of all, everyone knows their Miranda rights. You’ve heard Miranda rights read no less than 347 times before you turned 18 from 62 different cop dramas. Add the few times you heard them in person as a juvenile and you’ve got yourself an even 350. Secondly, you weren’t under arrest because YOU’RE THE VICTIM.

Maybe I should read a modified version to female victims of domestic abuse. It could go something like this:

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against the dirt-bag that assaulted and injured you in a court of law, even if it happened two weeks ago. You don’t have the right to call and talk with him while he’s in jail, but if you find a way around that, feel free to take all the blame for the assault and apologize profusely for the predicament you’ve put him in. When he says that sorry doesn’t do him much good now, apologize a few more times.”

I know it’s not perfect, but I’ll keep working on it.

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