You’d like to report a stolen car? Well, I’m the guy to talk to. When was the car stolen? Three weeks ago, really? That complicates things.

What’s the car’s license plate number? You’re not sure? That’s not a big deal, a lot of people don’t know that off the top of their head.

What kind of car was it? What do you mean it was either a Honda or a Toyota? Oh, I see, it wasn’t your car. That’s definitely an obstacle, but it’s not insurmountable.

Where did your friend last see the car? It was parked on the street, but it’s not your friend’s car. Ok, who owns the car? I’m sorry, can you repeat that? That’s what I thought you said. You have no idea who owns the car.

Were there any distinguishing marks, like four different color doors, or distinguishing parts, like a muffler the size of a 5-gallon drum, that might set this car apart from any other Honda or Toyota rolling around? Did you just say it had a really big “For Sale” sign in the front window?

Alright, I think I have enough information, I’m going to go now. You wouldn’t believe how many other crimes I need to go not investigate.

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