I believe you, I really do. Your excuse borders on outrageous, but still hovers over feasible. I’ve never heard that excuse before either, which I always appreciate. You saved me the effort of having to speak by blurting it out before I even had a chance to ask for it. Thank you for being prompt, honest, and completely vulnerable. You’re still getting a citation.

I understand you want to get home as soon as possible, and that you have about ten miles to go. I can see that you’re wearing a decent pair of jeans, and you have seat covers in your car. You don’t have any passengers, so I can assume I’m the only other person that knows. I’ve taken all of that into consideration and decided to write you a citation for driving 21 miles and hour over the speed limit. In my assessment, you’ll still have time to get home, driving safely of course, before that brown bomber you’re supposedly sitting on ripens.

If you think about it, the real damage is already done. Slow down, I wouldn’t want you to have an accident.

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