I see you have a note from your son “authorizing” you to remove all of “his” belongings from the house. Unfortunately for you, it’s been a while since your son and I were BFF, so I have no way of knowing if that’s really his signature. It doesn’t matter anyway since his (soon to be ex) wife, who has equal rights to the property, says you can’t have it.

I have a note too. It’s from a judge authorizing me to remove your son’s kids from his custody. That’s weird that you knew where to find him when he signed your permission slip, but you don’t know where I can find him now. I’m sure that has nothing to do with why you’re gutting his house in the middle of the night, and not him.

I don’t care if you swear the TV upstairs is yours, you’re not taking it…no, you’re not…no, you’re not…no, you’re not…I know you are but what am I? Now that we’ve answered the question about who has the authority here, you can leave. I’m gonna go upstairs and catch the Late Late Show.

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