First of all, congratulations; apparently you’re doing everything correctly. Second, and the reason I’m here; everyone in a two block radius knows you’re doing everything correctly. The person who called and reported the screaming lives approximately 100 yards away, and they were concerned about the safety of the female in the apartment.

Utilizing my training and experience, I was able to quickly ascertain that what I was hearing were not screams of anguish. I decided that further investigation was necessary though, so I followed the sounds of consummation until I reached a corner apartment with an open upstairs window. Utilizing my training and experience again, I quickly deduced that the slapping I heard was not a case of domestic violence either.

My intention here is not to Cop-Block you. Feel free to resume your early morning activity when I’m gone. If you could do me and your neighbors a favor though, and close your window. I can see by the amount of sweat you’re producing that you probably benefit from the breeze, but I suggest an oscillating fan in the future.

Thanks for your time, sorry to interrupt, and again, good job.

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