Philanthropy

It’s irrelevant how well you were doing on probation. I’m sure you attended every meeting. I have no doubt you walk three extra miles to work each day just so you don’t have to pass by a drinking establishment. I’ll bet you could stand in the middle of a gymnasium during a high school pep rally and pee in a plastic cup on demand without the slightest hint of stage fright.

Your philanthropic pursuits are commendable. They’re worthless now, but still commendable. You made them worthless when you decided to break into a school to steal computer equipment. You made them pointless when you tried to flee from the cops in your car. You made them count for nothing when you crashed into that law abiding citizen’s yard.

It’s very big of you to say you’ll take responsibility for your actions. In other words, you’re pissed you got caught. Luckily for you they need philanthropists in prison.

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