Telling me you don’t understand my language isn’t going to make things easier for you. I’m not asking you to recite the Preamble to the US Constitution, I just want to know where you live. I already know you can say, “I don’t speak English.” There’s no way you made it this far into my country without learning how to ask where the bathroom is, and I’m pretty sure it’s mandatory to be able to say, “Where can I score a dime-bag of methamphetamine,” before you enter America illegally.

I’m not going to just throw my hands up in the air and let you walk away because you say, “I don’t understand,” each time I ask you a question. We’re prepared for your type around here. I know people who can speak your language, and they’re more than willing to help me out.

I have some advice for you. If you really want me to believe you don’t speak English, stop answering my questions before they’re even translated for you. Watch your step. Weird, you just looked at your feet. This time watch your head.

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