You’re right, I could just let you go. I could also trade in my badge for a Klondike bar and hide in a bush for ten hours a day. Unfortunately for you, it’s my job to hold people responsible for their actions, and I love my job.

I just spent the last 30 minutes making a case for you driving under the influence of cannabis. It would be such a waste of my investigative skills to allow you walk. I’m not just being mean to you because you almost ran over my foot either. I’m not stoned like you, so I was able to jump out of the way in time.

It’s not my job to consider how much this arrest is going to cost you. That’s something you should have though about before you rocked the bong in a house with an empty refrigerator. Good effort trying to appeal to my economic sensibilities though. Luckily for you, by the time the drug recognition expert is done evaluating you, the jail will be serving breakfast. Two-tone bologna sandwich anyone?

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