If you’re going to commit a crime, don’t leave the house in something you’ll be embarrassed to be seen wearing in jail. I’m not going to swing by your house so you can grab some sweats to throw over your spandex. Even if you weren’t driving drunk, I had probable cause to arrest you for assaulting my eyes. I wasn’t a big fan of that fashion to begin with, but now I couldn’t possibly hate it more.

Jail isn’t supposed to be a comfortable place. You’re meant to not like being there, that’s sort of the point. Every male in the joint is going to stare at you when you’re walking around the intake area, and there’s nothing I can do about it. And honestly, the only difference between the guys in intake, and the guys that were staring at you all night at the club, is the guys at the club just haven’t been arrested yet.

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