You’re trying too hard. You say you didn’t have anything to drink tonight; that’s believable. You say you don’t drink at all; that’s plausible. You say you’ve never even had any alcohol to drink; that’s doubtful. I ask you to raise one of your feet six inches off the ground, which is approximately the height of a beer can, and you say you don’t know how tall a beer can is because you’ve never seen one; that’s crap. Here’s a hint; they’re exactly the same height as the open Coors Lite can behind your seat. Don’t say it, I already know, it’s not yours.

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