Yes, I know it’s three in the morning. Yes, I know you were sleeping. Yes, I know it’s cold outside. Don’t bother asking me if I would like to come in though, I’m fine out here. I need to ask you a few questions, and it can’t wait until after lunch.

No one cares when they wake me up. UPS doesn’t care. My neighbor’s kids don’t care. The guy that wants to aerate my yard for ten dollars doesn’t care. The magazine subscription salesman that’s scoping out the neighborhood doesn’t care. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t woken up at least once during my beauty sleep.

When I’m done talking to you, you can go right to bed again. I’ll still be searching for an assault suspect. Sleep well.

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