Equipped

I don’t know that your brother would never hurt a fly. Your brother and I don’t hang out. We’ve never been to a movie together. I’ve never shared a malt with him. Right here, right now, is the first time I’ve ever met him, and he happens to be destroying everything in the house. I don’t have time to sit down with each family member and listen to all the stories about how he runs an organization that rescues injured garden insects and nurses them back to health.

You called us because you and your family were scared of him, and you obviously couldn’t handle it yourselves. What did you think we were going to do when we got here, join hands and bust out an a cop-ella version of Whitney Houston’s “When you believe?” We’re going to put our hands on him, and probably wrestle a little bit.

Do you call a plumber to fix a leak under your sink, and then tell him he can’t use any of his tools or training to fix it? He would laugh at you and drive away. I don’t have that option, so let me do my job. He’ll be back to saving the world’s lady bug population before you know it.

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