Attention

If you have a warrant, you should probably avoid drawing attention to yourself. There are a few general activities you should refrain from participating in to minimize your contact with police. I’m going to share those things with you, because I feel bad for you.

First of all, don’t drive a vehicle with obvious equipment violations. You can drive 3mph under the speed limit, signal every lane change, and come to complete stops, but if your tail lights are dragging on the asphalt, I’m going to introduce myself.

Second thing, don’t urinate in public. I understand it’s raining, and it’s not like the side of the apartment complex is going to get any wetter. It’s a matter of principle. Someone’s going to call.

Lastly, if you’re going to try to run a logging truck off the road with a Honda Civic, make sure you’re driving away from town, not toward it. I’ll give you an “A” for effort, but you never had a chance.

Honestly, I’m going to find you sooner or later because your lack of impulse control will get you into trouble, but good luck. Oh, I almost forgot, the little red hand means don’t cross.

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