Paper

Turning on your car’s hazard lights doesn’t give you carte blanche to violate traffic laws. As far as I know, delivering the news paper doesn’t give you any special privileges. I’m not even allowed to violate traffic laws unless I’m responding to an emergency, and I’m driving a marked patrol car. You’re driving an ’86 Toyota Tercel with a yellow newspaper logo magnet on the side, and I’m pretty sure that finishing your route by 5am isn’t an emergency.

I’m glad you’ve already filed a formal complaint about being stopped repeatedly. Someone has to put an end to occupational profiling, and dang it, why not you. Well, there is the fact that you think you have the right to drive on the wrong side of the road as long as your lights are flashing. Oh, and you don’t have to come to complete stops because you’re not even driving on the side of the road that actually has the stop sign.

I stopped you because you have a brake light out. Thank you for acknowledging that I had a legitimate reason for pulling you over. I feel validated. Guess what, every time you’ve been pulled over has been legitimate. If you want to stop getting pulled over, obey the traffic laws. If you want to continue getting your route done on time, expect to be pulled over once in a while. I’ll even help you out a little. Just give me my paper now, and you can skip my house today. I’m here to help.

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