I have no doubt you don’t use your middle name very often. The only time I use mine is when someone asks me what it is. Guess what, even though I only say it about once a year, I still know how to spell it. I have a strong suspicion that your inability to spell “William” has less to do with how often you use it, and more to do with how often you use heroin.

I know you have more important things to do than figure out how to spell correctly. You’re not going to learn the latest male stripper moves by osmosis. I said osmosis. You know, the way plants get water from the soil. It would be like you sitting on a bar stool watching another male stripper and, oh, never mind.

I’d relate it to something cool like vampires so you could understand, but I’m just not up to speed on that culture. Sorry, poor choice of words. I’m sure vampires are dope. Oh, there I go again, shoot. Crap. I’m really not trying to needle you. Dammit. This conversation is starting to balloon way out of proportion. I’m going to quit while I’m ahead. At least I won’t have withdrawals.

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