Stop telling me what you think happened, and tell me what you saw. I’m sure you saw your neighbors put what might have been some kind of weapon in their car. It also might have been a bag of mackerel, or a rotting corpse. You have no idea what they put in there, and you know, that I know, that you have no idea, so don’t use words that you think are going to make me more interested in your beef with your neighbor.

I have no doubt that your renter must be heating the house with the electric oven. What other possible reason could there be to explain the huge jump in the use of electricity the last few months? Maybe they forgot to turn off their blow dryer. Did you ever think of that? What if they just discovered the wonders of the Bedazzler, and just can’t seem to put it down? Huh, huh? Or, what if, and I’m going out on a limb here, what if they have an illegal marijuana grow in the basement? I’m just throwing it out there.

I have an idea. Sit by your living room window, peek through the blinds, and call the police every time a rat farts, but let me do the actual police work. Thanks.

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