Revision

I’m excited for you that your friends now remember seeing your fiancee hit you before you assaulted her. It’s weird that they didn’t remember that five minutes after it supposedly happened, but they remember now, three days later, when you get out of jail. So, either they lied to me that night, or they’re lying now. Either way, they’re liars, and I look forward to seeing them in court.

You can’t press charges against her. No, you obviously don’t know your rights. I was the primary officer that completed the investigation that night, and she didn’t commit a crime.You can’t press charges against her for driving with a suspended license, it’s only a violation for her, and I didn’t see her do it. I’m not going to arrest her for menacing, which, by the way, is the word your looking for, because her MySpace status says, “Murder.” It could even say that she was going to murder you, which it doesn’t, and It wouldn’t be a crime.

You’re grasping at straws. You screwed up and now you have a record. You’re angry, which is what caused this problem in the first place. You want her to pay, and you’re trying to use me to make it happen. Thanks for propagating the stereotype of a white trash, mobile home, alcoholic, unwed, abusive, male. I was starting to lose faith in your existence. I can only assume that if this happened in June, you would have also been wearing a white tank-top. I guess I’ll have to wait until this June to find out.

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